Now the Gloves are off

Suddenly my fight with multiple sclerosis has changed. MS does have a habit of doing this, of pulling the rug from under your feet.

My blog posts are drying up a bit, because it’s become difficult to put coherent thoughts together.

How my back feels

How my back feels

I’ve been knocked off my feet, quite literally. The sciatica down my left leg (which is caused by a trapped sciatic nerve in the bottom of my spine, which in turn is caused by my gait, which is caused by my ms, has made it impossible to walk, even to crawl or stand straight.

It is like having an untreated broken pelvis.

I am having difficulty coping with the kind of white noise this pain level sets up in my brain.

And it is really scary.

What If it doesn’t improve? How do I transfer from a wheelchair to a toilet seat when I have no strength or feeling in my legs?

Lots of people have had to face this before me. Possibly you, who are reading this, may have been here, and moved on. But this is my first experience of total dependency, of needing assistance in the toilet, of being lifted into bed, of being constantly woken by pain and cramps, and . . . worst of all . . . of a simultaneous feeling of guilt, shame and embarrassment.

Pain

Pain

Being English doesn’t help, either. We are brought up on manners and apologies. We take it in with our mothers’ milk.

I need a few tips right now, and a few words of comfort. Getting anything done is a massive exercise in mindfulness for obsessives. Does it get easier?

I need my readers more than ever. Please like and share. Please.

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About stevehobsonauthor

I am blind, and I hate it. It stinks. But life is still sweet. I have multiple sclerosis, and that stinks too, but life is still sweet. These are my musings.
This entry was posted in Age, Disability, Health and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Now the Gloves are off

  1. Jan says:

    Dear Steve
    I m sorry things are so bloody challenging for you just now. I don’t have any useful tips but was just thinking of Darlene Cohen’s work -I was reading yesterday how she had perfected the art of temper tantrums at times……I truly hope something of your pain eyes soon ..sending lots of useless but heartfelt wishes for your wellbeing…x

    Like

  2. Andrew Scott says:

    Hi Steve it’s Andy Scott. Sorry you are struggling. One physio technique you can try to make moving easier is to really tighten your tummy muscles before you move, as if trying to stop yourself farting, and keep the muscles tight as you turn over or reach out etc. It does work but it requires constant practice. Every time you try to move, sit, stand, roll over – do this first. It’s a way of using your core muscles to stabilise the spine. 2 sciatica patients of mine have done this this week and it is helping. Good luck Steve.

    Like

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