Suddenly my fight with multiple sclerosis has changed. MS does have a habit of doing this, of pulling the rug from under your feet.
My blog posts are drying up a bit, because it’s become difficult to put coherent thoughts together.
I’ve been knocked off my feet, quite literally. The sciatica down my left leg (which is caused by a trapped sciatic nerve in the bottom of my spine, which in turn is caused by my gait, which is caused by my ms, has made it impossible to walk, even to crawl or stand straight.
It is like having an untreated broken pelvis.
I am having difficulty coping with the kind of white noise this pain level sets up in my brain.
And it is really scary.
What If it doesn’t improve? How do I transfer from a wheelchair to a toilet seat when I have no strength or feeling in my legs?
Lots of people have had to face this before me. Possibly you, who are reading this, may have been here, and moved on. But this is my first experience of total dependency, of needing assistance in the toilet, of being lifted into bed, of being constantly woken by pain and cramps, and . . . worst of all . . . of a simultaneous feeling of guilt, shame and embarrassment.
Being English doesn’t help, either. We are brought up on manners and apologies. We take it in with our mothers’ milk.
I need a few tips right now, and a few words of comfort. Getting anything done is a massive exercise in mindfulness for obsessives. Does it get easier?
I need my readers more than ever. Please like and share. Please.